I just feel that when I go, it should go unnoticed and quietly buried. I saw my mother pass… and that was it. I prayed for you today. My daughter passed away at two months old from a blood clot in her heart. Funeral Services. My husband and I talked about lots of things but not the funeral ideas. This article goes into a bit more detail on the subject: https://decorative-urns.com/cremation-blog/estate-planning/what-to-do-when-there-is-no-funeral/. I think funerals with the sad music, the rituals, the hokey ham sandwiches in the church basement and the expense only makes people feel worse. Although I love my nieces and nephews, these women pulled them to their side and I’m left alone. In it’s simplest form, it is the collection of your loved one, the cremation of their body and the return of their ashes to you. But am I going? They needed closure. Allow your friends and family a chance to say their peace whether they were there for you in life or not. No idea why but it’s given me a feeling of desperation bc I worry it’ll never end. Merebank Funeral Service. After forty years of marriage and years of caring for her without support, there can be no other way. Should I send flowers? He wanted to be surrounded by his childhood friends, his brother, sisters, parents, aunts and uncles. Don’t let the circumstances of your life dictate your value. Because I truly believe that we should love and celebrate people while they are alive. My wife is dying. Your readers might be interested in seeing Bill Hoy’s take on this same subject: “The Dead And Their ‘Remains'” https://j.mp/Mgbuwp ♥, Oceangift January 28, 2014 at 10:29 am Reply. Nobody in my family would believe I could run to a trickle of words and then dry up but I did. I don’t know that it would have been more “final” to have a funeral or burial but I imagine it a would have helped the grieving process. I would love to pay my respects and say goodbye to my long-time friend. We all agree about wanting no ceremony or gathering but I know her church people expect this big event to happen. My mom had been sick a long time with dementia and has now passed on. We spoke with quite a few afterlife planners and shared their thoughts in the following article. Hubby and I have already decided on no service of any kind. A child was drowned in boiling water. It WILL bring some measure of comfort to someone grieving, and that alone is worthwhile, I think. I say attempted bc we dried up in the middle of the service even though I’m such a talkative head on every other occasion. I’m not sure if counseling could be an option, but it would be helpful to have someone to talk this over with. If you really care for someone, while they are a live, spend some time with them! and generally a very ritualized series of actions to follow a loss stemming from both cultural and religious roots. four months later. Show love while they’re alive and you’ll never need to say it. Going through some odd man-made farce isn’t necessary for all of us. I also think that we had to follow her wishes. I too do not want a funeral. I have tried to speak with his two older brothers and they will have nothing to do with me,even though Jim spoke with them several times a week. Some people choose not to speak of someone after they’ve passed. I wish u luck honey. You walked away from us!! Whenever one find out I visited the other one, they go out of their way to punish me by mean and hurting me. Tributes and memories for people may be left on their tribute page. Though some people will never understand our pain and what we’re going through in times of loss, such a letter may give your your son a better understanding of the depth of your grief. She said nothing when my brother died, and he had wanted to pay for the granddaughter to go to college. No! My advice to readers is this – have a service. We were fortunate to have both my parents (until recently) when my father passed in February 2019 at the early age of 90 and my mother in June 2019 (4 months to the day) at the early age of 88. Since her passing, he has told lies on me and to me. Just because there is no funeral … It’s no one concern or business. Bring out your memories of him or her — photos, postcards, ticket stubs, keepsakes — and display them with a memorial candle in your home. If anyone has questions or you just want to talk, please let me know. And besides, I’ve made nothing of my life nor have I accomplished anything so what is there to memorialize? Do we do what we want or do something they expect? Angelalala September 13, 2014 at 4:09 am Reply. Their only purpose was to distract me from the undeniable facts. Likly has seen plenty of funeral services where there are many remote attendees. . Then it is Valentines Day. OK, made it through that. They are refusing to inform me of plans for her burial and denying me and many other family members any type of ceremony prior to her burial. To those of you who have been waiting with bated breath for the next installment, the day has finally arrived . The "no funeral" funeral plan from Simplicita - Home. There will be no obituary. She had a church community that saw only a sweet little old lady who was completely different from the person we dealt with on a daily basis. Perhaps try and join a group or something that you would enjoy. The day afterwards, my brother said, and I’ll quote as best as I can “Well, funerals are for the living and Mom wants a funeral so we’re having a funeral”. I want a grand funeral. your tears mean nothing to me, I don’t even know that they are there. We are the living. My dad passed away recently. She didn’t suffer, after a massive stroke a month ago. To imagine that anything I did in my life to be remembered, added any meaning is just idiocy. Unfortunately I have ‘wax figure in a box’ images burned in my brain from several other funerals of family and friends. I have no idea what a funeral service and a memorial service will be on the same day at the same time. The people who criticise others for taking other options, even though they mean well, are often in fear of their own mortality, with respect, and to be frank, it is none of their business. Victoria White January 3, 2015 at 3:40 pm Reply. It may be selfish but I don’t want to still be burden to others after I’m dead. I do not feel as though it is fit for someone to tell their family they do not want a service, it is not for them it is for their family and to make a family member feel guilty about having a service because they need it to heal is not just wrong, but immoral. I don’t want to call Brother as he has psychiatric issues and no good ever comes from calling Brother (there is alot more going on with respect to Dad’s estate and his refusal to acknowledge that my Sister and I have legal responsibility for Mom’s health and not him, but that’s another story for another day). If you and other family are still looking for a way to memorialize, there are plenty of other alternatives. Dear Margaret, I felt like I wanted to reach out to you -your message on here really got my attention. If you love and care about us you share our life! Our simple all-inclusive service has everything you need to arrange a fuss-free cremation for someone who has already passed away. I do not feel I can do it on this date.His 68th birthday is February 9,2015. Now I’m in a methadone clinic seeing if I can do the world some good to make up for my girls. His siblings might have come twice each. I need to find a way to support those who ❤️ are actually grieving her loss, loved her and be able to find a dignified way to show my own respect for my dear mom. While foregoing a funeral is still not by any means the norm, there are ways to still mourn the loss as a community without going against the last requests of your loved one. To celebrate a new beginning while never honoring where you began life. X. Liz Cornish May 11, 2016 at 9:26 am Reply. oh my God – thankyou for writing this.. i was feeling so bad for my anger at not wanting a funeral just to hold an expected service for all the friends and family who have not helped or visited or texted for the past many years of absolute hell for me and my profoundly disabled- paralysed spouse. I am really torn as to her funeral, memorial, and burial. I just want to tell my dad goodbye but I don’t want to be apart of the ceremony……I was thinking I could be there before the ceremony starts and leave before his family gets there. Where does one go in order to arrange for the body to be taken away and disposed of? Some funeral homes offer to help you fill in the WINZ funeral grant application form at no extra charge Don't be scared to negotiate. He died a year ago at the age of 91, on his birthday. Memories are there for us. Seems more logical and way cheaper. I expect she will say nothing when my elderly parents pass, tho they sent her gifts every Christmas and birthday. COVID-19 is a new disease, and we are still learning how it spreads. Take it from me people be prepared and have a map to take you where you want to go on your next Journey. I am in NYC. She never liked me even though I was always there for any help she needed. You know what’s important is that you shared his life with him. Stephen King couldn’t think up the horrors that visit me in my sleep. I have made it known that I want to be cremated. Any thoughts out there? I understand that this kind of tradition is hard to die, excuse me please, the viewing of a body is totally unnecessary as far as I’m concerned. My two faced sister said it was fine, and tasked me with minding my nephew, her son for the day and their dog, and told me it was fine and that i was doing her a favour because my nephew, who was very close to his nana, didnt want to be there either. There are also unconfirmed deaths and that’s what ours eventually became; none of the DNA samples we gave to them ever matched any of their evidence. If you are on the other end of the spectrum, all sorts of angry and bitter that your loved one is trying to slight you out of a funeral, you are not alone. Birthdays call for cake and candles. A therapist may be able to help you consider how to move forward. But honestly that’s all they did, to be bad people to us who already lost a husband and dad. I am thinking of committing suicide and wish not to have a funeral. Currently in a bind about this exact topic. If nieces, nephews can’t make the effort to visit while I’m alive, what’s the point of them travelling miles to see me off! He recalls one that had only 20 or 25 mourners at the funeral home, while … My suggestion to anyone standing on that treacherous ground is to really take the time to think it through – talk it over, give it a week or two, and don’t rush to make a decision. We are here to help make arranging a funeral simple and affordable, ensuring your loved one gets the respectful funeral they deserve now or helping you to plan ahead so your own funeral is carried out according to your wishes in the future. When we finally decided to go ahead with a service anyway, bc it didn’t look like they were going to find anything by 2004, my daughter and I tried to give the eulogy. They said. Jimmie and I were together for 27 years and I still think he is going to walk through the door. You would deserve it too. Did they ever really matter when I was alive? It is all made up and the void cannot be filled, it just sucks it in and it all boils down to: nothing matters. My son, I believe, begrudges me for waiting so long to have this memorial. I am going to also send you an email – please email us directly if we can help you find help. I have completely blocked out seeing my dad in the casket at his service, though I know I did. First, I am livid that they are not abiding by her wishes. A funeral or memorial is something that can happen in whatever space and with whatever format works for you and your family. They then accused me of not wanting to attend a family get together (I am 500 miles from everyone else). What does matter? I would then like my ashes to be buried and a marker with a vase so my family will have a physical place to visit. My husband died after a four year steady decline. He had a family who knew what love meant. I’d rather have whatever money I leave behind go to the people in my will rather than to a funeral home and a church. What is a Traditional Funeral Service? whether it be a full fledged funeral or a beer in the park. Flower October 29, 2020 at 8:31 am Reply. I feel like I’m still waiting for him to return and say there was no body bc he isn’t dead. No : 4 Ajmer Road , Merebank. This digital funeral just isn’t cutting it. That must sound silly to most people (it sounds odd to ME at times) but the feeling persists with a singular discomforting relentlessness. I think these days people live with a lot of disconnect from themselves, the people around them, from life and from death, and that they sometimes shy away from what is vulnerable or hard. While your loved one may have meant their request to lessen the stress on the family or release the community from some need to attend a memorial service, many people feel the need to gather to celebrate someone’s life and mourn their death. Please take good care of yourself. If your loved one expressly stated they didn’t want a funeral you may be feeling and one of a wide range of emotions, from fine with it, to downright furious that your loved one took this choice from you. Those who cannot accept your decisions have the problem, not you. Telephone: 086 006 1041. We loved our dad because they loved us. My heart breaks reading about your mom’s passing & the way your brothers have handled this situation. Places to go, people to see. I don’t need the “closure” as I spent the last 12 weeks of his life caretaking for him and Mom and had a chance to say my goodbyes and we parted on exceptionally close and loving terms. We had a private family viewing, then a cremation. So, I shall deal with the formalities without fuss or celebration. it is not something you simply “get over”. In the end, it’s his memories that we think about. It is a beautiful but totally low-stress tradition. Don’t worry, when it comes to grief the “can’t I just bury my head in the sand and pretend this isn’t happening? Mark Wathen October 31, 2017 at 11:28 pm Reply. Members of families are making me feel guilty. I was devastated. Now his ashes are at home. The process of arranging a funeral can be a daunting and emotional one. It does not need to look like a traditional funeral. His dying wish was completely fulfilled; it was his last effort to inflict pain on the people he supposedly loved. No pity party. I do not want a service and hope that my request will be honored by my spouse. As hard as it is to believe, there are many people here on this page, and well beyond, who have been through the times where they felt their only option was suicide and managed to, slowly but surely, work though to a place where they could find some hope again. Let them know that you love them and be there for them (as they will come back you will see) but in the meantime, please I encourage you to live your life to the fullest. My dad hated being stared at, looked at, talked about. I want to go straight from Morgue to Buied at grave site . All my plans, dreams, intentions and wishes remain just that. My mom was clear she did not want a funeral. So glad i knew what she wanted. They have taken control of her remains. The only family I have are my brother’s 2 ex-wives that hate each other. Wow. Even, if you hold an intimate service with several friends you should respect the memory of every person with flowers. I have experienced a lot of loss in my life, and many were far more tragic than the loss of an aged grandfather, but the lack of ceremony has made this the most difficult loss to cope with in many ways. So… I’d only attend for myself, or my brother, or my children, my mother… or heck I might even go for my father’s neighbor’s great nephew… but I’d never go just because “etiquette’ seemed to demand it. IsabelleS September 25, 2020 at 11:56 am Reply. I know this reply is a little late, however as a funeral director and part owner of a funeral business in Australia I will tell you that you have done is the best thing you could have. I want neither a funeral nor memorial service. Will it prevent you from grieving in a healthy way? Thank you. Planning a funeral or memorial service for a recently departed loved one is an emotionally and physically challenging task for all the family members involved. All the pictures and people can talk about me Have a program paper ? High quality cremation services without the high price tag. If you really care for someone, while they are a live, spend some time with them! We didn’t give dad a funeral. Funerals are nothing more than money making scams for those in the business, and performance centers for the phony, crocodile tear bearing relatives. You don’t want anyone u give two fucks about to find you its something they will be fucked up forever over and mad as hell at u. Maybe it would help if you write a letter to your son and explain your feelings the way you did here. To live with purpose is as futile as the air in my decaying lungs. Not only was I emotionally devastated, but I was physically exhausted. Your children love you, and more importantly, God loves you. I want my children to do whatever they feel they need to do. Somehow expected a mirical I guess. Celebrate a beautiful life with keepsake urns for cremation, WordPress Theme Design by Phases Design Studio. It was difficult planning everything long distance but everything was so wonderful and I felt it would have made her happy. If you were closest with one member of her family, I think it is OK to reach out to them and say something similar to: “I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot help my feelings. Just an aunt and cousins. i lived with my mother and was her carer, i was there all the time yet she judged me for not helping her the one day she was given any responsibility. Remember that no matter what stage of the journey you are in, our team of dedicated and understanding professionals are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to guide and support you in any way we can. I always wanted to be happily married but it was never mend to be. One of them is having Funerals which gives opportunities to the Family and friends to express the there deepest feeling, thoughts, love, respect and the precious moments that they shared with someone who is important and lost. It appears that these estranged brothers will bury her out of state with nothing and nobody. He did not show up because he had decided that she was going to die anyway, so why make two trips, just wait for her to die then show up at the funeral pretending to care. When you make a choice, you have to be able to bare all consequences of that choice, and if you chose to not share my life, you cant hold any grudges and would have to live with the regret of not getting a chance to say goodbye, and in that hopefully future relationships will be improved as to avoid such an experience with those still alive! It takes a lot of planning, coordinating and work to get everything put together quickly and get the word out efficiently. Thusano is an Authorised Financial Services Provider FSP No. Shame on them! (And dare I say it..some people are even opting for burials with no attendance). At his insistence, there was no obituary, no funeral, no memorial service- nothing at all. my daughter wanted me to go to any memorial service that was organised for him by the research people. She treated me terribly too , but I grew accustomed to the nasty remarks. No matter which way people decide, it is personal choice. I found the planning of my mothers service to be very therapeutic. Great. Left came home in I think 4 hours she was under the table dead for they said 2 he’s I struggled thru her vomit and gave her CPR to no avail I got vomit in my lungs and in my attempt to overdose the next two months I got punmonia and as every other time was not successful in overdosing using 4 to 10 times enuf to kill a basketball team. It is one of the few grief memoirs I recommend to people who have lost anyone, but especially someone who has lost a spouse. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. There is no need to rush to plan something, especially if some time will allow more people to attend and for friends and family to plan something especially meaningful. When others choose to attend them, that it their choice, but they need not feel the need to criticize others for their choice to not attend them. Funeral Directors Melbourne for no funeral, just cremation. Why would we allow the death of a loved one to pass without ceremony? I feel the same way. Thank you. There is no pleasing them and I have just learned to stay away. This is a complicated question, and the fact that we don’t have a whole lot of context for it makes it even more complex. We did as she asked and met her wishes, but I will tell you as an adult child of someone who wants that, it has been very hard. I’m glad I didn’t die young. I really don’t see the point in any sort of memorial service, though there are a few pieces of music I’d like to have my loved ones take time listen to and hopefully appreciate. I’m torn, as I really don’t believe I should go, but on the other hand, it would seem etiquette wise out of place not to be there. He is getting married in on aSeptember 27 th , and I think it is absurd and an affront to my mother’s memory. On Sunday. Tho a funeral is a long standing tradition in many or most places, I have never come away from one being glad for it. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. She was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome and many more heart defects. I DON’T WANT THAT. That’s not true in my family. Funerals are (often not always) a place to start the process of mourning with friends and family as our grief is first unfolding. Beyond just counselors and support groups there are domestic violence shelters that can provide you safe transitional housing. I don’t want a viewing of my body !!!!! I’ve had no word on where Dad’s remains are nor their disposition until 20 minutes ago, when I got an email saying “Dad’s funeral service and memorial service are on x day at x time at x location”. I’m sure our dads wouldn’t want us guilty. I want to leave my body for whatever spare parts may be useful to others or to medical science. For just R250 pm, our funeral policy offers you a headstone, casket and R2000 cash back with a 4 months waiting period for you and your immediate or … OUR FUNERAL PLAN PRE-PAYMENTS ARE ALREADY HELD IN AN FCA-REGULATED FUND. Janey… I agree that funerals are for the living. Emma Tylor September 24, 2019 at 4:11 am Reply. It doesn’t have to be a somber gathering, and can even be a festive time to share memories as part of the grieving process. ChristineBean December 16, 2015 at 10:44 pm Reply. He’d been a robust military office who became a thin profoundly disabled quadriplegic who could only move enough muscles to… blink. BestShari July 20, 2019 at 1:08 am Reply, I see you don’t monetize whatsyourgrief.com, don’t waste your traffic, you can earn extra cash every month with new monetization method. It means, like with everything in grief, that you need to find what works for you. If you would like other information or ideas on memorializing your loved one, head to the memorial section of our blog. People do not “get over” losses such as yours, and nor should they in reality. When you offer suggestions like this or have various events for a week or two after your family member’s death, you get a chance to meet up with a variety of friends, and share their life stories with many of them. We know that the separation is temporary and that we will see him again. We might have some small only family get together to share memories of them or we may not, but they are never forgotten. Just One Daughter October 4, 2017 at 6:42 pm Reply. Emma Tylor November 13, 2019 at 2:54 am Reply, Kathy Small November 12, 2019 at 2:53 pm Reply. I didn’t always have everything he needed… he got EVERYTHING I did have… and that was enough closure for me. But when your loved one clearly states they want nothing to do with a ceremony or anything associated with a funeral, what do you do then?
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