When you start considering your next vacation on the merits of its ultras. I’m doing good,’ and look over and these two 8-year-olds passed me. You are told *not* to run another marathon during the next few months (because that would be bad for your health), and you really follow that advice – by immediately sending off the entry form for your next 50/100 miler. Tagged Athletics, Chiropractor, Comrades, Comrades Marathon, Easter 100, HIIT, Marathon, Physio, road running, Running, Slow Coach, Track Running, Ultra marathon Kosmos 3-in-1 (3 out of 3) 2014/03/17 by The Slow Coach The worst jogging injuries result from flopping. Youre read this and relating to some of it. Never run if you are a short person. 8. Budd, jeered by the American crowd, finished 7th. Things have changed in recent years with a very full calendar and whilst Comrades and a few other distance races are attracting very big numbers and entries are selling out very quickly (Comrades 2019 closed with 25,000 entries just 6 days after opening) a fairly big number of novices particularly, don’t know what lies ahead of them and as a result go into Comrades under trained. 2. Running makes the ice jump right out of my glass. To think that I had trained hard for this race and didn’t do up my shoelace tightly enough! 8. . You know you are an ultrarunner when you go for an easy 2 hour run in the middle of a Hurricane and think it is fun to get wet, muddy and run through the rivers that were once trails. People at work think you’re in a whole lot better shape than you think you are. If rabbit’s feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? Everyone lapped him at least three times and the winner finished so far ahead he would have had time to complete another 5,000 metres. Khannouchi stayed close until the 17th mile, when Tanui took off. 10. You know you’re an ultrarunner when you go to your 8:00 a.m. college geology class and you can use the salt crystals, still caked on your glasses frames from your early morning run, in your talk on the category of sedimentary materials called evaporates. 78. You spend more time in the drug section than the food section of the local market. “Everyone was on their feet clapping and we had a piper. You know you’re and ultra runner when a girl changes her tank and her bra in front of you and all you do is take another drink of water, look at your watch, get up and tell your pacer “Let’s hit the trail.”. Easy. You consider the mold and mildew in your bottles extra electrolytes. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at 5,000 dollars per month. You always have at least one black toenail. You are the only one walking the up hills. 1. 69. If you cant find your pulse, check the pulse of a loved one. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features And what you may find unusual is that while running the race, I found it akin to a mystical experience. She was named the winner and might have retained her crown – had she not been caught entering the race one mile from the finish line. I have to run early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am really doing. And follow Daveâs advice. Illness in the final build up to the Comrades Marathon is a concern for many a runner. 23. (Comment: Misses the point about changing bulbs on a dark trail. What I forgot to mention was this, all our training and racing was aimed towards running the “Comrades” that was the big event for us then. Those people have learnt that Comrades deserves respect and they give it the respect it deserves. 17. You’re an ultrarunner if nobody recognizes your power T’s. It was a special day and I will never forget the groups of 79. The results of under training are well known and it’s for that reason that I have appealed especially to the novices – and I believe that for 2019 which is an Up Run – to remember that if they ran their first Comrades last year on the Down Run the two are so different that in effect, they are still novices and need to treat the race with respect or potentially have a long and somewhat unpleasant day. When you wake up without the alarm at 4AM, pop outa bed and think “lets hit the trails together”. 86. Shortly thereafter, Quaker Oats dropped her from its advertising campaign for Oatso Simple porridge and cancelled plans to film an ad showing her winning a marathon after eating the cereal, explaining that she was no longer eligible to represent the product. “I already know how to run slow. 7. 24. The I heard recently about one entrant who had a longest run of a qualifying marathon in a time of around 4:14 which she considered made her a fast runner and as a result she intended starting Comrades fairly fast. 81. I threw some stones at him and he went away…”], Two months before the 1952 Olympic Games in Helsinki, marathon runner Emil Zatopek was advised by his doctors not to compete. 12. (Comment: Isn’t very funny, and there’s no spin on it. You’ve started a race in the dark, run all day, and finished in the dark (if youre lucky). Shortly thereafter Lorz admitted the truth. This isnât something new. Given my own Comrades aspirations, Bart's tenacity in training and ultimately completing the race was inspiring to put it mildly. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. “I was unable to walk for a whole week after that, so much did the race take out of me,” Zatopek recalled. Ultrarunners get in before it gets dark. 32. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing. 36. 81 of them, in fact! 37. 6. Comrades has put people into hospital and ICU with such things as renal failure and which sadly in some cases has even claimed the lives of runners who have gone into Comrades perhaps not as prepared as they should be because they think they know better. Itâs the rest of it thatâs the problemâ and thatâs always been and still is the case. Lindsey tells you this and more, on today’s Ask Coach Parry podcast. When running a marathon and at mile 20 say to yourself, “Wow, only 6 more miles left, this is such a great training run!” NB: saying it aloud can make one seem arrogant, beware! Thank you Stuart. 92. You have a permanent combination scar/tan in the outline of a jogbra. Your weekend runs are limited by how much time you have, not by how far you can run. Running trail is better then sex(even if you don’t get any). I am an avid Twitter follower and there was a Tweet I really enjoyed by someone I donât know that appeared that read, âRunning is stupidly hard. ), Ultrarunners do it in the dark. I had to give up jogging for my health. Maybe he’s feeling too good.’, “Khannouchi held back while Tanui charged ahead, forging a one-minute lead. 5. And then of course there was the extraordinary success of the virtual Comrades marathon. He thinks that by appearing in the most hideous and ragged clothes he will scare off the calories. You know you’re an ultra runner when you can really identify with those scenes at night in the woods in The Blair Witch Project. '” he recalled. The “real” winner in 1904, Thomas Hicks, had to be helped across the finish line after 3 hours, 28 minutes and 53 seconds the worst marathon time in Olympic history. You have more fanny packs and water bottles and flashlights than Imelda Marcos has shoes. As I recall, the line in the movie “My Favorite Year” went: “Death is easy. Someone asks you how long your training run is going to be and you answer “seven or eight … hours”. 88. [The 26-mile “marathon” race is understandably named in Phidippides’ honor.]. Giving the crowd tremendous value for money, he completed the course in 42 minutes 00.11 seconds. 33. So your Comrades entry for 2019 is in and you’ve had confirmation from the organisers that they’ve received it – so now what? surely ranks as one of history’s greatest battles, ending efforts to conquer Greece by Darius, the Persian king. A: She wanted to gain weight! Whenever you announce an exciting family vacation, the first question is “Where is the race?”. The Joy of Marathons Though clearly destined for Olympic glory, Mary Decker was too young to run in the 1972 Olympics. Everything in your life, everything, is organized in different sized zip-loc bags. “Perhaps sometimes I was like a mad dog,” he once declared. Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas，headed for Houston.. One sat in the window seat，the other sat in the middle seat. | Tags: Alan Robb, Athletics, Comrades, Comrades History, Durban, Marathon, Mental Approach, Pietermaritzburg, Road Running, Running, South Africa, Sport, Ultra Marathon. You know you’re married to an ultrarunner when Valentine’s gifts come from Ultrafit. 84. Most Australian marathon runners have heard about Comrades due to the strong South African influence in Australia particularly in running circles. 105. 112. Category: ALL MY BLOGS, COMRADES ADVICE 104. Dogs can be a threat. You don’t recognize your friends with their clothes on. Fordyce has conquered the challenge of the planet's greatest ultra marathon - South Africa's 90-kilometre Comrades Marathon - 25 times and … He took three strides, dropped to his knees, and kissed the ground.]. Oops Jogger – This breed of jogger is the unintended runner, often found in inappropriate clothes; jeans, suit etc. The 2011 Comrades Marathon, which took place on 29 May, was the most competitive edition yet. ), Real ultrarunners don’t need flashlights. 83. All you now have to do is to run a qualifier before the beginning of May and pitch up at You know you’re an ultrarunner when your crew tries to keep you motivated by saying, “You’re in second place and only 6 hours behind. But I never did get my shoe back.”, “Hip hop promoter Sean ‘P. 47. At the 1908 Olympic Games, the marathon, originally exactly 26 miles long, was officially increased by 385 yards. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. You know you’re an ultrarunner when you do a triathlon and it is your RUN time that is slower than the years when you specialized in triathlon. Apparently you have to show up. For every mile you run, you add one minute to your life. 100. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier. Q. 63. “Yes, we did.” Nike gave Kagwe, who was paid to wear the brand, the $10,000 which he would have won had he broken the record… Among the tricks used by runners to keep their laces from coming untied? If so many places on your body hurt you can’t figure out which one hurts more, so you ignore them all and do another 50K, and then you feel better! No! You see a 1 quart water bottle colored like an Advil bottle, and don’t realize that it’s not in fact an Advil bottle. You know you are an ultra parent if; Your 6 year old knows the difference between a 100k and 100 miler. 60. Tucking the ends underneath the laces, covering laces with tape (a rules requirement for Olympic wrestlers), using a reef rather than a granny knot, and making two loops around the middle instead of one. If youâre reading this and youâre going to be running your first Comrades this year and fear is starting to build up as you read, please donât let fear be there. I joined a running club last year to lose some weight, spent about $100. Look at it this way: your corpse is sure in great shape. 94. You try to tie double knots in your Oxfords. I don’t think anyone anticipated that the concept would attract over 43000 entries. An argument broke out among the track officials as to whether he should be allowed to finish the course. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. In my day, I am 72 so I am entitled to say this, every runner respected the Comrades and so did the spectators. Your feet look better without toenails. After a while, you will become accustomed to this and even grow to enjoy it, especially if you carry a golf putter and rap taunting children smartly across the back of the head with it. As I’ve said many times, I don’t believe that anyone needs to fear Comrades if the proper training, both physically and mentally have been done, but I also believe that Comrades needs to be respected ALWAYS and we both know runners with Green Numbers, Double and Triple Green who still respect it irrespective of how many times they have run it. You strap on your water bottles and walk the hills . I was so stunned by this phenomenon that started a detailed study of these people trying to sort out who they are, and I think I finally categorised them all. “Why couldn’t Pheidippides have died here?” — Frank Shorter’s comment to Kenny Moore at the 16-mile mark in one of Shorter’s first marathons. 9. [Trivia: Even in the Arctic, Sir Ranulph Fiennes slept with the window open. 42. Three golds.”, [Alas the effort almost killed him. Go into Comrades with no respect for the race, come undone and suffer badly and itâs your problem and youâll get no sympathy from me and I was sitting thinking about the way I feel about people who take part in the race and who, especially in their first run, don’t take it seriously. The shortest method? If you are going to try cross country, start with a small country. Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. To my mind thereâs a very big difference. “Why should I practice running slow?” he replied. I know one young lady who, a couple of years ago claimed to be very fit and I think she was, so she entered for, and completed, the Iron Man in Port Elizabeth. 64. I wasnât too worried about it, but by the time I got to Drummond I had decided to adjust my finish time by an hour that would still give me a comfortable 9 hours although the muscle was getting worse. If the refrigerator and television weren’t so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any walking training at all. You know you’re an ultrarunner when you need to ask for a ride from a friend because you drive a stick shift. You buy economy-sized jars of Vaseline on a regular basis. 70. 43. They are also quite commonly found on their way to florists, if so you can invariably start a conversation with “Birthday or girlfriend?” (if the answer ever comes back “Both” be warned, there will be a small nuclear explosion in the city soon – start digging). Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! In his capacity as grand instigator and supreme leader of the Los Angeles Cacophony Society, “Reverend Al” Ridenour was famed for his practical jokes. Lovely article Dave. You know you are stressed if you can achieve “runners high” by sitting up. 14. 73. 82. 50. You have a walk-in closet dedicated to running apparel. You’re embarrassed that you’ve only done 50K’s. Most often found at parks and central city. I have said to many runners and particularly to many novice runners that they shouldn’t fear Comrades but they should certainly respect it. Somebody should have mentioned to her that a 4:14 marathon isnât exactly quick and that itâs pretty average and slightly slower that 6 minutes per km! '”], [Trivia: Zatopek was famed for his unusual running style. You spend you entire paycheck on running gear, ultrabars, and entry fees. [Bingay thereby entered the record books with an unofficial time of ~3 hours 20 minutes.]. In my day I never came across any one who did not respect the Comrades, we treated it with awe. Speak to cyclists and many will tell you that they stick to cycling because itâs easier than running. Iâve felt this way going back as long as I can remember to my very early days to when I first started running Comrades. 71. Although women were officially banned from competing in the Boston Mararhon until 1972, San Diego’s Roberta Gibb Bingay successfully completed the run in 1966. (Comment: words of wisdom!…but how do we make it funny, too? You know you’re an ultrarunner when our dogs can drink out of water bottles. 22. He set an all-time record for the 10,000 metres race. “At the 1976 Olympics in Montreal, Olmeus Charles from Haiti was last by the largest margin ever recorded. 118. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I have no idea whether she finished that year or not. Speed Jogger – This breed doesn’t as much “jog” as “sprint”. 10. In 1976, she was injured. Jokes4us.com - Running Jokes and More Q: How do crazy runners go through the forest? They are often seen around town and, if you know what you’re looking for (despite their best efforts, an Oops Jogger is quite easy to spot in a meeting, they will usually arrive “just” in time, and a tad out of breath). She had no intention of studying the route or listening to anyone talking about the dangers of the first 25km of the Up Run or the first 20km of the Down Run because she felt she didnât need to do this. 15. 121 of them, in fact! You walk up the stairs and run down them. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. 113. Theodore Roosevelt, placed a laurel wreath on his head. You know you’re an ultrarunner when the races you enter end in a different area code and pass through several different Zip codes enroute. 53. 110. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." 52. You think that flagel and ibutrophin belong on the breakfast table. So what I learnt from the race has enabled me to deal with the difficult periods we all have in life, and to achieve my subjective goals. They come out in hordes, young, old, fit, fat, tall, thin, all sorts. ‘I was about to go after him,’ Khannouchi said, ‘but I thought, Why is he going now? I have always said that I don’t believe anyone needs to fear Comrades but whatever you do, you must respect it. Though Kagwe went on to win the race, he missed setting a New York record – by 11 seconds. Scruffy Jogger doesn’t as much “run” as “shuffle” along giving him the appearance of the ill-dressed and shambley zombies from a B-grade horror film. Social Jogger – Found in packs, social jogger can range in speed and fitness levels. When you try to determine which 100 mile race is more difficult. Your wife tries to introduce you to your three children and you reply “Three?”. Because education pays off in the long run ! With five miles to go, Khannouchi broke from the pack. 106. I don’t jog – it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. It was the sensible thing to do. What is a runner’s favourite subject in school ? I have a race coming up this weekend.”. 16. I was cold and calculating and had worked out how much energy I required to finish the first half, then onwards to the second half. Click on the following links to read the jokes on marathons below or simply scroll down. What exactly is the Comrades Marathon? Los Angeles Marathon In his capacity as grand instigator and supreme leader of the Los Angeles Cacophony Society, “Reverend Al” Ridenour was famed for his practical jokes. 18. As he raised the cup to his lips, Khannouchi blazed by him, hitting the tape in 2:05:42. You start fast and a six year old passes you. ], [Trivia: According to Australian mathematician Burkard Polster, there are 43,200 possible ways to tie a shoe with two rows of six eyelets. Comrades Marathon coach Lindey Parry talks to Hannes about why he is so exhausted and what he can do to help him get through the remainder of his training. 13. Maybe I had the space, for at its peak, all we had was a thousand runners on the road at one time, which is different today. I’m told that this event is very tough and you are quite something if you can complete it. “It was kind of an eye-opening thing,” he recalled. Usually the friendliest of all jogger sub-species a kindly word or a nod is all you need to illicit a “G’day mate” or “Nice evening for it” from a Social Jogger. You can expound on the virtues of eating salt. You tried hashing, but felt the trails were too short and easy. 7. It was a Down Run and I was on schedule at Cato Ridge at around the 30km mark but by the far end of Harrison Flats, just a few kilometres further I felt a niggle in the muscle at the top of my right knee that definitely shouldnât have been there. Short persons are built too close to automobile exhaust pipes. 11. Most notably from a recovery point of view; with the affect it has on training and possibly race day. ], “When I [Australian Olympian Rob de Castella] was about 14 or 15, and running in a pretty muddy cross country race, one of my shoes stuck in the mud and came off. If a huge, vicious dog charges you and lunges at your throat, say “There, boy down!”. (Strike out where inapplicable). With a mile to go, the runners traded the lead every few steps, until Tergat finally faded. A big list of communist jokes! She ended up in ICU in hospital for 4 days with renal failure. No, this is the (excuse the cliché) twilight zone, which belongs to the joggers. The great explorer, Sir Ranulph Fiennes once embarked upon a crazy endurance test, running seven marathons in seven continents in seven days – while recovering from a massive heart attack. I was out driving just the other day, at around 6:30 pm. Having unfurled a “Just Quit” banner at the 22-mile mark of the 26.2 mile course, the merry pranksters proceeded to entice tired runners to join the dark side with offers of doughnuts, beer, cigarettes and beef jerky! Itâs worth doing once in a while to remind oneself how good an idea the bicycle isâ. 29. It’s bigger than any of us. If you black out after five minutes, you are probably running too fast. 4. The Comrades doctor told me that the majority of the people treated in the medical tent at the finish of the race suffer from exhaustion as a result of under training yet we see runners year after year treating this race as something of a joke. 116. Following is a collection of humorous stories, anecdotes, one-liners and jokes on marathons, running, jogging and ultra-marathons, which were sure you will find amusing. You number your running shoes to distinguish old from new, since they all look dirty.
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